Not so Happy Birthday

They tell you that Anniversaries and Birthdays are when you will miss your loved ones most. This weekend was my 38th birthday and my second since Jennifer left us.

It struck me as odd that I am now officially older than her, something I never ever believed would happen.

There were two celebrations, one with family, and the other with friends. The parties were lovely -- with good food, and even better company -- but I could not shake the empty feeling I had inside.

Then it hit me.

I missed her. I miss her not because the people surrounding me were lacking, but rather because she was always so central to every celebration, to every party. She was always the life of the party, the one who would laugh out loudest, who would organize everyone to dance, sing, whatever!

I feel so lost without her at times, and none more than this weekend. I wish I could feel her presence, I wish I could reach out and touch the air and somehow feel her spirit.

But there is nothing there, only the air, only emptiness...

We are Raised Up!

I just caught Josh Groban and the African Children's Choir on American Idol, and I suddenly remembered how Jennifer used to sing this song for me and Jr. She had the most amazing voice -- I wish I had her on video, but I still remember her very powerful and wonderful voice, especially whenever she sang from the heart in the most difficult times of her very short but full life...

She often told me that she could go on because of how I lifted her, and whenever she thought of Jr. We go on now because of her, to do her honour and to keep her alive in our hearts.

I will scale my every mountain and shout from the top to her in heaven that I remember what she told me: To never give up my dreams because of her. To not let her death hold me back from realizing my fullest potential.

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life, no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But then you come, and I am filled with wonder;
Sometimes I think, I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

My love, it is now YOU who raise us up!

There Is None Like Jennifer

It's been a year now that Jennifer left us. And my, what a year it has been!

There has been so many changes. Some good, some not so good, but all in all, I can truly see how God has been so loving and merciful to us, Jennifer's loved ones.

We all miss Jennifer. And we always will. It does not get easier really, but it does get better.

One of my favourite songs is "There Is None Like You". It speaks about how there is no possible substitute for God in our life, but I have come to sing it to Jennifer. Here are the lyrics, and I am sure you can see why...

There Is None Like You

There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes from Your hands
Suffering children are safe in Your arms
There is none like You

There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like You

There truly is no one like her, and I know there will never ever be.

So love, look down on us from heaven above and know that you are forever in our hearts.

We love you still...