She’s under a white sheet and has on a surgical mask (possibly so we would not infect her) but even with the mask on you can see her eyes are smiling and full of live. She nods and laughs through the mask at the jokes I'm making, and all our family and loved ones are there -- in spite of the surrounds we are in high spirits, and things are positive and very upbeat!
It is as if she never left us.
I often ask for one more day with her. So that Jr and I can tell her all the things we've been dying to tell her.
For me, it would be this: how I believe God made a mistake for taking her instead of me. Of how she's the stronger one and how she would have held everyone together better than I ever could possibly... Of how Jr needs a mother more than a father, of how I need a wife more than she needed a husband.
I would also tell her I miss her desperately everyday, that I don't want to go on without her. That each day brings with it unspeakable pain and agony of not having her here by our side. How alone and empty our lives have been since she left us.
I would want to sit very close to her and whisper about all the bad things I've been through these last two years, of all the people that were mean to me, and of all the let downs and challenges and hurts I’ve experienced. She always knew just the right things to say, just the right thing to do...
In fact, I would settle for just one more hour, or even one more minute, or even, just one more second...
I now look forward to an eternity with her when we meet again in heaven...
In the classic words of Eric Clapton and Will Jennings:
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
