Junior told me today that he misses Jennifer more now than he did when she just passed. And in a way, so do I.
The old adage that time heals all wounds does not seem to apply to us in this regard. Junior said it was easier for him when she initially left us, now he really misses her presence in our lives. I cautioned him it might get harder as he hits his teenage years, because then he would need a mummy’s ear (the proverbial woman’s touch) for some of his growing-up concerns.
For me, I continue to live with the knowledge that I not only lost my wife, but also my best friend, constant companion, business partner, lover, girlfriend, dance partner, spiritual prayer, chef, creative collaborator, bouncer, event organizer, and much, much more.
Jennifer was such an amazingly cohesive force. She was the one who organized all the gatherings and parties. She saw to everyone’s needs. She was always there for her family and friends, even until the very end, seeing to details that we would often not even think about. In simple terms, she made it all happen.
Missing her has become a part of our lives.
Sometimes we cope with the symptoms very well, but the primary disease never ever goes away. In this regard, I know in some cosmic way we sadden her. She was so clear when she told me that her passing should never hold us back, that we must push on, as how she did all through her life, all through her battle with cancer.
But love, it is never easy, is it?
I often tell people our lives (Junior’s and mine) are fractured. Truth is, at times, not always, it seems broken beyond repair. But I am reminded of another medical metaphor, that broken bones become stronger after they heal, and perhaps that is what we have to look forward to. Until then, we remain as we are, in the process of becoming stronger.
